Many people think they shouldn’t feel or express emotions, especially negative ones. That’s a myth that can actually keep you stuck trying to move forward in life. If you experience a sudden loss, shock, setback, trauma, it’s normal to have a negative reaction. In this episode we look at how to move through intense emotions more quickly, and how to use them for growth, rather than letting them stop you from recreating your life.
1:30 – The 5 stages of change and why they are important to go through
5:00 – An example of how I let go of a trauma from childhood
10:50 – How to see the challenges of our lives as “meant to be”
15:15 – What traumas might be holding you back?
THE MINDSTORY INNER COACH BOOK and 2 Sample Neuro-Blueprints
Discover How to Install the MINDSTORY METHOD into Your Coaching Business to earn an extra 10K or more per month:
Connect with Carla Rieger:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/carlarieger
Twitter – https://twitter.com/carlarieger
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlarieger/
This is EP 72 – WORKING WITH EMOTIONS INSTEAD OF AGAINST THEM. Many people who’ve done lots of personal growth work seem to think they shouldn’t feel or express emotions, especially negative ones. That’s a myth that can actually keep you stuck trying to move forward in your life. Hi, I’m Carla Rieger, and this is the MindStory Speaker Podcast.
If you experience a sudden loss, shock, setback, trauma, or something like that, it’s normal to have a negative reaction. Here’s what’s going on in your brain when that happens. You have an intense emotional experience. The more intense, the more you tend to pay attention to what is causing it in your external environment. Then the brain takes a snapshot of that image. That snapshot is called a long-term memory, or what we like to call a MindStory. It’s more than just an image, it’s got sounds, lighting, characters, motivations, plot, just like a story you might tell to others. You tell a story to yourself about what happened and what it means. So the MindStory becomes encrypted as a holographic package of information organized in story form in the neural networks of your brain.
As an example, when someone experiences the sudden death of a family member, it’s normal that a person will feel grief. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a well-known book on the 5 different stages of grief that people go through. It’s not just one feeling of sadness. It’s more complicated than that. The 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. We may go through these 5 stages when faced with all kinds of big changes in our life , from the changes due to the pandemic, losing a job, getting divorced, growing older. These stages are an important alchemical process to go through. Otherwise you can stay stuck reliving the trauma of the initial change for years, if not decades afterwards.
Not only do we go through these phases as individuals, cyclically at many times throughout our lives, you can also see whole populations go through these stages as a collective. I would say when the pandemic first hit there was a lot of denial, a few months down the line you see a lot of anger in the population, we might be moving into the bargaining phase around now, but there’s more phases to go through as we see the old ways die away and allow ourselves to create something new from the ashes. As the old saying goes, what we focus on grows, so focusing on a future you ultimately want, while also processing the emotions of the stage you’re in now, is the paradoxical game to play.
Now stuck trauma is a huge underlying cause of a lot of issues in people. It happens because instead of processing that grief, which requires actually feeling those emotions—rather than avoiding them or projecting them—they just keep recycling those familiar memories and emotions whenever an external circumstance matches that frequency again. In other words, if they continue living within that stuck emotional energy of past experience, then every time they experience an event that produces those same emotions to a certain degree, there’s a trigger system that goes off in the emotional centres of the brain. From a biological standpoint, every time this person remembers the event, they are producing the same chemistry in their brain and body as if the event were occurring in the present moment.
Because the body is basically objective—it’s connected to the unconscious mind—it therefore believes it’s reliving the previous event. It doesn’t differentiate between past and present or future, for that matter. In this context, the body believes the event is happening over and over again. As a result, the person starts circulating the stress hormones throughout their body, when in truth, they are perfectly safe in the present moment. The continuous recycling of the event, combined with the related emotions, causes the person’s mind and body to become anchored in the past—yet they are in the present.
Let me give a personal example of something that happened to me a few years ago. I was on a walk in the forest when a black dog started running towards me, galloping at an intense pace. Adrenaline started coursing through my veins, and I froze on the spot arms up in defense. I know why. When I was eleven, I had a paper route. I was delivering a newspaper to the house that had a black guard dog. He galloped toward me at an intense pace and leapt up on me biting me in the legs and arms. Finally, the owner came and called him off. I had to go to the hospital to deal with all those bites. So, anytime a black dog gallops towards me, I go back to being eleven years old.
In the case a few years ago, when the dog arrived in front of me I saw that he was wagging his tail and had a ball in his mouth. He dropped the ball in anticipation of me throwing it for him. The dog owner came around the corner and called out “He’s okay. He just wants to play.” She could see I was clearly traumatized. This embarrassing situation had happened many times before, where I react phobically to dogs, even friendly ones. I’ve since learned how to process the feelings I couldn’t process at eleven. I’ll show you how in this episode.
So, you probably have some unprocessed emotions about something from your past. Most of us do. In fact many of us have thousands of unprocessed experiences. The more you process them, and it can happen quickly in some cases, the more you free yourself to live in the present moment, responding appropriately to what life brings, rather than from a younger self. It frees up your personal power and sense of inner security.
So, as I’ve mentioned before, the mind is full of programs, which we call “MindStories” at MindStory Coaching Academy. What’s important to know is that those memories get organized in story form…just like when you read or see a story – the narrative consists of thoughts, intentions, beliefs, feelings, characters, plot, events, images, sounds, smells, emotions, settings. The body becomes subconsciously programmed with these MindStories. Then all you need is one aspect of that story – a thought, feeling, person, situation, event, image, sound, smell, emotion, setting —essentially a stimulus—to trigger a response. Now you’ve started the conditioning process all over again. When a similar event happens in our life, it elicits the same automatic emotional response. As a result, we act out of a very predictable set of habits and automatic behaviors that are causing us to feel and biologically look like we are the same person from the past. In my case it was the image of the black dog running towards me, and I went back to being eleven again thinking I was going to attacked all over again.
So it’s not that you shouldn’t feel emotions. Watch a pet, like a cat, when they experience disappointment, fear, frustration, or angry. They emote completely…and then they’re finished. All of this is to say—to react is normal. The question is, how long are you going to allow yourself to live in the emotions of that reaction? When I was eleven there was no one in my life who taught me how to process those kinds of emotions. My mother’s reaction was to be tough about it, don’t cry, it’s just a dog bite, you’ll get over it. I think I just needed a safe space to feel all my negative feelings about that experience, but never did until much later in life.
So pay attention to how you respond to certain external stimuli in your normal waking day—and you can learn how to catch yourself when feelings of terror, sadness, pain, anger, envy, disappointment, and so on come up—then you can reclaim your power simply by accepting, validating the emotions, which helps process them, then it creates the space to change your state of being. This changes the MindStory and therefore the stimulus-response process changes to something more empowering. In my case, I did that and now stay in the present moment when a black dog runs towards me so then I can see that he’s got a smile on his face, a ball in his mouth and a wagging tail…instead of overlaying what I see in the present with images from the past…where the dog was not smiling, but growling, and had his tail down.
So you can learn to choose your state of being in these instances, then you are on your way to creating a new future where you are no longer defined by anything in your past. You are moving from the familiar past—the known—into a new future—the unknown. When you clear out the past, you create room to entirely reinvent your future, to rise above inner limitations and live the life you were truly meant to live.
Now, because you are free to start feeling the emotions of your future before it happens, that’s when new possibilities can occur, because the emotions of your past are no longer clouding your perceptions.
When we overcome emotions that hold us in our past, and we can look back at our past from a greater level of consciousness, from a new MindStory, this helps us see the challenging events of our lives from a positive perspective. From this vantage point, we can see why certain events in our lives had to happen the way they did. When we are free from the emotions of our past, that’s the moment we can retire the past as wisdom. That’s the moment we can truly begin to create a new future, where your personal power dials up dramatically.
Generally, people only talk about their past and bring up those painful memories when they’re feeling bad, because that negative emotion is in a sense collapsing time and bringing them right back to the emotionality of that event. I’m sure you’ve witnessed people who like to rehash a negative experience in their past, it’s often their addiction to the chemistry created by the negative emotions. So you might hear a person say I’m this way because of this bad thing that happened to me 10 years ago—from a biological standpoint, what they’re really saying is that they haven’t changed since that event—that one moment in time. This is why our neuro-blueprinting practice is so powerful and transformative.
Neuro-blueprints combine a clear intention with an elevated emotion, the stronger the emotion you feel as you listen to the MP3—the more love, gratitude, freedom, inspiration, joy, etc. you feel—the more you can alter those inner limiting MindStories. Thus, the stronger that elevated emotion you feel, the more you’ll pay attention to the picture of that intention in your mind. In this sense, you’re branding the symbol of your future in the recesses of your gray matter, and in reality, you’re remembering your future in the present moment. Keep listening enough times and you’ll condition your body to emotionally feel that future.
When you’re subconsciously connected to the emotion of your future, you feel like it’s already happened, you’re no longer separate from it, which means you’re no longer looking for it. You’re no longer trying, forcing, wishing, hoping, praying for it. Because you’re already feeling connected to it, you’re simply allowing. It becomes almost a mechanical process at that point, whereby your thought is the electric charge and the feeling is the magnetic charge in the quantum field—then you’re emitting an electromagnetic signature equal to your future. You are being in your future, but in the now. It makes sense then that every time you change your state of being, you change your energy. So, for me I’ve practiced feeling calm and confident when a black dog runs towards me. I’ve practiced it in my mind over and over again like a basketball player might mentally rehearse shooting a basket.
Think about limitations in your life, maybe things that don’t seem to get in the way for others. It might be that a past memory is blocking your ability to respond in a better way. For example, interactions with certain people that drive you crazy, or certain types of people you cannot tolerate, or certain situations that make you very uncomfortable, or a lack of results in your life despite lots of effort – like in your finances, or business progression, or weight, or social circle, or life habits like sleeping, exercising etc. What if all you needed to do was unhook from a past memory and bring yourself into the present moment?
What helps this happen is when the brain and the heart are in coherence. It’s the equivalent to having a very strong Wi-Fi signal. That’s what we do in the neuro-blueprints. This allows you to connect to new possibilities that already exist in, what’s called the unified field, or the field of potentiality. So, to use my example, it was the idea of feeling calm and safe around black dogs. As long as I’m now energetically/emotionally aligned to that possibility, and as long as I can sustain that state of being with my eyes open in my waking day, I start seeing positive feedback in my life. I’m then no longer victimized by my past, I’ve creating a new future.
When the event finally happens, like I encounter a black dog running towards me, and instead of terror, I feel those emotions of calm and safe that I generated with my intention in my body into the unfied field from listening to the neuro-blueprint. Part of this process involves seeing the past experience as meaningful and purposeful, and not just a horrible situation where I was a victim. So, in my case it helped to create a list of what I learned from that situation at eleven. It was hard at first. I couldn’t think of anything. That’s normal. That’s the survival brain not wanting to give up being a victim. But I stuck with it long enough and listed things such as, it made me give up a paper route, and I got a better paying job that I liked better at a grocery store. It was an opportunity to practice being assertive and courageous because my parents took me to see the owner and talk about what happened. Thirdly, I used that experience as an adult to learn how to break myself free of phobias. Once I did it with that experience, I could do it with others. That listing of what I learned, helped the emotional charge of the past dissolve away because I was much less attached to the feeling of being a victim. I couldn’t do both at the same time, extract the wisdom AND be a victim. The experience got reframed as an opportunity to learn, grow, be stronger, more resilient, help others. If I didn’t do that, then I’d be stuck feeling terrorized by black dogs the rest of my life. Not good. I live in a neighborhood full of lovely, friendly black dogs.
If you want to create a new future and be defined by that future, then you would have to keep your mind on that future, and you would have to teach your body to emotionally experience that future before it happens. The emotions are key. Emotion, is energy in motion. Nothing moves without them. So, you have probably met people who seem emotionless. Chances are they are stuck in certain ruts in their life because of it. You have also have met people who seem stuck churning in old emotions. They are also stuck. The people who don’t get stuck are those who feel, process, learn from and move on from experiences. Its one of the most important life skills to learn.
The trick is to take a negative emotional experience or limiting MindStory and create an alternative, a positive experience or empowering MindStory. You’ll probably need to do this repeatedly to overlay the previous story, refining your vision. That involves usually a form of mental rehearsal where you keep thinking about the empowering MindSTory, and keep holding your attention on it—if you can truly feel the emotions of it, you’re engaged in the conditioning process. That way you’re conditioning your body to subconsciously be emotionally connected to a new future. It’s the emotions that anchor it into the body and subconcsious. So that allows the full empowering MindStory, the full package of information, to fully recondition and anchor the body into the desired future, freeing yourself from the past.
When you listen to your neuro-blueprints and you can remember your future, emotionally embracing it, you teach your body what it feels like, then it believes the future is happening to you in the present moment. Now you’re producing a very strong signal—you’re dropping a big stone into the placid lake of the quantum field, and you’re sending a message out to the field. Then, the field responds in kind.
You can try two free neuro-blueprints by going to our homepage MindstoryAcademy.com and getting the MindStory Inner Coach book with two free neuro-blueprint downloads. I will tell you more about that at the end.
So, the more you stay in your heart in your waking day, the more you don’t have to go anywhere to get anything in your life. You don’t have to set goals and will yourself to achieve them because the event will come to you. You become a magnet for that. The frequency of your elevated emotion creates a vortex that draws the future you created to you, and that’s when the synchronicities, serendipities, and miracles happen. Conversely, if you worry, you become a magnet for what you don’t want. The frequency of your lowered emotional state creates a vortex that draws the future you don’t want.
All of this is to reiterate, emotions are not bad. They’re the end product of our thoughts and interpretations, or more specifically your MindStories. If those familiar emotions keep us connected to our past, they can also be the fuel that drives us to a new future. The key is learning how to manage your emotions, because learning how to manage your emotions is learning how to manage your MindStories. Emotions are like the fuel you put in your car. So why not invest your emotional energy into a new and exciting future instead of investing into the same MindStories from the past?
As I said before, you can try out the Neuro-blueprints, by getting a free copy of our book MindStory Inner Coach. Or, if you get the book on Amazon and send us the receipt, you’ll get sent the 2 free neuro-blueprints. You can see how to get the book using the link in the shownotes below. Or, just go to MindStoryAcademy.com and you’ll see it there on the home page. Its free to get the PDF download, or you’ll also see how to buy it on Amazon.
Then when you get the book you also get access to download two free guided audios that are examples of some of the leading edge tools we developed at MindStory Coaching Academy, that are called neuro-blueprints. They are form of mental rehearsal that helps you change past traumas, and recondition your body for a future that you want.
One is called how to end self sabotage, it’s one you would use at night. The other is called your hero’s journey, which is about reframing the challenges of your life in terms of a mythic adventure and how those challenges have forged you in the fire of wisdom to now help others. Sometimes that’s hard to see until you do a process like this. And this is a version you would do in the morning. These take chapters 2 and 10 of the book to a much deeper level. All together, the audios and the book come to $94 but you can get them free right now.
Also if you’d like to learn how to install our whole MindStory Method into your coaching business see the link below for more details. We help business coaches increase their income by 10K or more within 90 days by installing a 5 step system to supercharge all aspects of their business, from getting coaching results that stick to marketing your business in a way that magnetizes ideal people, to reconstructing your sense of power and purpose, to creating a business model that lets you live the lifestyle you love. See the MindStory Method link for Coaches, in the shownotes.
That’s it for today, I hope it was useful. Do hit subscribe if you want to hear about other episodes coming up, which you can do on our website MindStoryAcademy.com\podcast. and you’ll see all the ways to subscribe or, if you’re listening on YouTube, just subscribe to our channel. Until next time, I’m Carla Rieger. Thank you for listening.