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This is episode 81 – The Stories We Tell Ourselves. We hypnotize ourselves a lot of the time by the stories we tell ourselves stories about who we are and what life means and what we can achieve. Is there one story in particular you could become aware of and re-write? You might find your entire life changes for the better. It’s happened to me and many others. Hi, I’m Carla Rieger and this is the MindStory Speaker podcast.
Many of the stories we tell ourselves are destructive. We perhaps only see the destruction in retrospect. For example, this is a typical one for females especially when they’re younger and easily manipulated by the media. So, when I look at pictures of myself as a teen, I look normal weight, but I had a story that I was fat. Maybe you can relate. It was a detailed story with me as the protagonist AND the villain. One day I’d will myself to undereat, and the next day I’d binge. It was a war between good and evil inside me, although it was a never ending story, it was just an epic, serial broadcast that one day, I hoped would result in my inner protagonist winning. But she never did, nor should she have. That’s the way our stories keep us stuck, chasing after a happy ending that will never nor should ever happen.
Of course, like many girls at the time, I can see now where the story came from. From the media, from friends, and family members who were all also manipulated by the media and their friends and family. I didn’t look like the airbrushed, underfed women on magazine covers glamorized as the ideal. That inner story led me to become anemic, literally malnourished. I had hardly any energy, and I looked pale and sickly. Certainly a bit thinner, but not anything like the ideal woman on the magazine. I actually looked better looking happy and well fed.
Luckily I learned to change that story because 1) I took a course in university about media manipulation and 2) I worked with a counsellor on self esteem. The new story had an entirely different protagonist learning to wisely discern the messages she receives and learning to make decisions from an inner place of knowing what’s right for me. That led me to the right weight and health for me.
That’s just one example of an inner story we tell ourselves that lead to a destructive path. Many of us have a lot more than just one. Think of any destructive behaviour in your life, whether it’s choices around money, food, substances, relationships, career, or whatever…chances are there is an underlying story. And not just one belief but a whole set of characters with intentions, a whole plot and a promise of a happy ending to the story.
And when you become aware of your own stories it frees you up like nothing else. So I wrote down many of the other stories that I’d been living by, because I had to really think about it, and go deep into the unconscious to find them, as you might have to as well. Sometimes what seems like a fact of life is actually just a made up story.
And of course I help my clients with this. So for example, say a client wants to make 100K a year or more with an online business, and she is halfway through the year and has only made 20K. So then the external reality of that activates an old story about always being an underachiever, or often feeling like a victim to the circumstances of the world.
Those stories tend to happen to everyone who is out pursuing a life bigger than the life they currently have. So, sticking to those kinds of stories will mean the person isn’t like to hit the goal.
Because your current circumstance will trigger stories that will drive you to create certain kinds of results, which will then become your new circumstances. So you need to be paying attention to how you’re portraying yourself as you go through the adventures of life.
And here are some of the sentences that let me know there is an underlying story…when I hear them from my clients and colleagues and friends. For example, I’m just not good at attracting money, I need to get better skills. I’m not the type of person who does well in business. I love what I do, but I just can’t do the marketing and sales stuff. If this lockdown wasn’t happening then I could be successful. I might not be cut out for this.
Sounds very innocent. Sounds very lovely. Sounds like a good idea. Get better at attracting money, why not? But that sentence is perpetuating the story that you’re not already good at it. In other podcast episodes I’ve talked about creating future stories, that feature you as a protagonist that IS good at it. You can actually write that story BEFORE you create the results. In fact, anytime you’ve improved or changed some aspect of life that’s exactly what you did in your head. Now, I’m just giving you permission to do it for anything. Does it mean you can create anything? Maybe maybe not. There are your stories and then other people’s stories and then global stories to contend with, but the person who believes their story the most always wins. And in fact, if you believe that quote – it’s good to have an end to journey towards but it’s the journey that matters in the end – then you know that a goal you love, that enlivens you is always good to follow even if you never get there, because it sends you on an adventure of learning and growing that is the ultimate goal of life…the journey.
So, future stories help us act as if we are already getting the result, and of course that’s what gets the result. For example, I remember having a friend in my 20’s who always believed she’d be financially successful. She wasn’t at the time, and didn’t come from that kind of family, but she just chose to see herself having a big successful business. By the time she was in her late 20’s that’s exactly what she had, against all odds. I’m sure you know people like that who just “know something to be true” and so it happens. And you may say to yourself, I wish I had that kind of belief. So, it doesn’t just magically happen to some people. they choose that. So you can choose it too. It’s just a muscle to build, that unfortunately gets weakened by the kinds of school systems and societal norms we got exposed to. We hear “That’s just not possible.” Or “Your goal is so unlikely, you should choose something easier.” But is the goal of life just to get easy goals? I don’t think so.
So someone who is attracting the amount of money that they want to be attracting in their life or believes they will…would never be thinking I need to get better at attracting money. That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t learn more skills, but they would do it out of a sense of wanting to get better at something they already felt they deserved and were good at. See the difference. So, notice the sentences you say to yourself and others around your limitations. They are the doorways into your hidden stories.
I’m sure you know people like that, who believe in being a magnet for prosperity, opportunities, income. Even when they don’t have much money, they know that need bounty of resources is just around the corner. And if it isn’t around the corner then they go on the adventure of learning. They have a story where they are the protagonist. I am very good at attracting money and resources, I’m just one of those people who attract prosperity very easily, I can think of dozens of examples where I’m a magnet for all that. So, the difference is huge. And the truth is, you have dozens if not hundreds of examples where you’ve been a magnet for money, resources, opportunities and prosperity. People who use stories in their favor tell those stories to themselves. People who let stories use them tell stories to themselves about the times where they couldn’t attract money, where they lost opportunities, where they felt void of resources. Those stories are at the front of the rolodex in the files in their minds. So, just reverse that. Write down all the times, the memories, the stories big and small from your past where you were a magnet for money, resources, opportunities and prosperity. That will all be the building blocks of the future story.
So pay attention to those subtle stories that seem inconsequential and ask yourself, if I already had the result that I’m seeking, would I be thinking this thought? And if the answer is no, then adjust the story so it would be yes.
Write down past stories of where you were good at attracting money, good at making a contribution, good at creating value and receiving money. Even if those stories were selling Koolaid as a kid or your first full time job in your twenties, or a client you attracted a few weeks ago. Then write the future story, just for fun. Speak in present tense like it’s already happened. Use your imagination. Remember when you were a kid and you let yourself dream, and you saw yourself doing something in the future. I remember I wanted to be an author. I’m like 13 years old. I saw myself speaking at an event, and signing my books at the back of the room. I totally created that, because I set the story in motion then. I gave myself permission then. You can do that anytime. Some of us have just gotten flabby in the imagination department. We gave up imagining things when we put our childhood toys in a box and gave them to the goodwill store. But you need your imagination, now more than ever. Your mind powered by your true self, your heart-based wisdom is a power to be reckoned with, no matter what is going on in the world. Perhaps we will look back on this time in history as a powerful opportunity to see past limitations imposed on us by others and most importantly by ourselves.
So in summary, look at any area where you have thoughts of being incapable, where I need to get better at, this or that. Sounds innocent enough. It’s not. Do not go into sentences like that for yourself because the underlying story is I’m not good enough at it yet, so don’t tell yourself I want to get better at something. See yourself on the way there.
The next one I hear a lot is I’m trying to. I’m trying to is not a useful sentence. I’m trying to be more organized, or more focused or more prioritized. Those thoughts tend to bring your energy down as they lock you into the story that you’re one of those people who just dreams of doing things differently but never does. Instead, imagine yourself being more organized, more focused, more prioritized. I’m sure there’s many times you have been, so you can do it again, and even better this time.
Feel the difference. Even when you say that sentence, I have the potential to make more money, be more prioritized, love my body just as it is. There’s always that potential, right. Your focus on the potential, the future story is like water and sunshine on a dying plant. It brings the possibility back to life. Just feel the energy behind it. Feel how it can ignite you, versus I’m trying to make more money, I’m going to try to prioritize, I’m going to try to love myself more just the way I am…it’s deadening.
You want to identify yourself with the protagonist in the story of who you most want to be. You want to start being the person that has the things that you want to create in your life. So ask your higher mind to monitor what the lower mind is saying to you subconsciously. Ask to bring it to the surface and you’ll start to see it. Write it down. And when you notice yourself saying things that you wouldn’t be saying if you had the result you want, say…thanks for sharing…and purposely, with loving intention, ditch that story and just see or write a new one. You’re the screenwriter of your life. No one else is.
And if you have friends or loved ones you can make an agreement to point it out to each other. Dave and I do that with each other. We catch each other, “You just said you’ll never get that project done on time.” “Or, I’m so bad at that.” “Or I’m always messing that up.” Especially look for Universal Quantifiers like “always”, “never” or “every time”. And then you’ll start to notice the subtle ones, oh, I’m trying. To quote Yoda, Do or do not. There is no try. That’s because the “trying” mind is always in process, it’s never there. It’s never created the story that ends in the fulfilling outcome. It’s a perpetual story of only trying and never getting there. It’s a very powerful difference in terms of words and semantics in the world of quantum inner storytelling.
Create from your future and talk to yourself like you are the most precious, amazing, awesome person in the world because you are. And the more you talk that way, the more that becomes your reality. In the beginning was the word. Words are immensely powerful, use them wisely.
That’s it for today. Do post a review of this podcast if you liked it. It really helps other listeners find the podcast. Here’s a quick and easy way to do it. Just go to: https://ratethispodcast.com/speaker. You’ll also see that link in the shownotes.
And hit subscribe if you want to hear about other episodes coming up, which you can do on our website MindStoryAcademy.com\podcast. https://mindstoryacademy.com/Podcast That link is also in the shownotes. Until next time, I’m Carla Rieger. Thank you for listening.