People’s understanding of mindset mastery has grown exponentially. Yet we inevitably make mistakes on the journey. Here are 4 common mistakes people make when breaking free of limiting mindsets like fear, doubt, or confusion, such as when working with a self-coaching tool like The AVARA Model.
3:00 – #1 – Mixing up facts and interpretations
7:55 – #2 – Not linking to vision and actions
10:30 – #3 – Self judgment about these limitations
14:00 – #4 – Trying to do it in your head
MindStory Inner Coach Book – AVARA Model
MindStory Neur0-Blueprints: 66 short audios to free your mind and create seemingly impossible outcomes in your life
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This is Ep 88 – THE 4 MOST COMMON MINDSET MASTERY MISTAKES [and how to avoid them]. There’s a lots of mistakes people make when breaking free of limiting mindsets, or falsities about life. Here are 4 common ones when working with a self-coaching tool, like The AVARA Model. Hi, I’m Carla Rieger and this is the MindStory Speaker podcast.
Many people are learning and teaching mindset mastery. This is the study of how powerfully our minds, or the mind-body-spirit connection has a huge affect on all aspects of life. The explosion in understanding of this in the mainstream public is huge. It used to only be available to people in elite circles or people outside of mainstream societies like indigenous cultures. Now we are sharing ideas and growing each other’s ideas exponentially. I remember when I first entered this field a few decades ago and the depth and breadth of understanding now is amazing. The internet and the cross pollination of eastern and western ideas coupled with studies in neuroscience, as well as people’s deep creativity going to work on this topic brings us to an apex of understanding not seen in recent history.
All that said, we are course correcting as we go; meaning we go down a certain pathway and get all excited about it, only to realize it’s limitations or it’s outright falsity. Then we have to backtrack, learn from our mistakes and keep growing. So, there’s a lots of mistakes people make, or falsities many of us have gotten stuck in. Here are 4 you may or may not be familiar with, but I think they are very important potholes to avoid.
This first one I got from working a lot with people using a coaching model my partner and I created called The AVARA Model. Let me start with a quick review of the AVARA model. It is in our book MindStory Innner Coach and is based on the fact that the mind stores our world view in story form. If you want to break free from inner limitations, procrastination, self sabotage or inner conflict, it helps to re-write that specific world view including important story elements. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you are a brand new listener, I talk about the AVARA model basics in other episodes, or you can download the book at MindStoryAcademy.com. I use this process on myself regularly and so do many of our clients years after they worked with us. It’s a great self-coaching tool for breaking out of mindset limitations like self doubt or confusion.
With the AVARA model, one of the fundamental parts of it involves separating facts from your interpretation of a situation. That is hugely important because your interpretations drive your emotions which drive how you behave, which then produces certain results for good or bad in your life. As a quick example, say two people start to explore using Zoom to conduct meetings. So the specific fact might be written as “I explored how to use Zoom videoconferencing to conduct a meeting earlier today.” One person interprets the exploration as an interesting adventure, the other interprets it as a technical nightmare. Person number one feels excited which motivates her to run her first meeting, which leads to new clients. Person number two feels overwhelmed which motivates her to watch another show on Netflix, no new clients.
So mistake number one. We see a lot of people mixing up facts with interpretations.
They will say the fact is that they had a horrible experience trying to figure out how to use Zoom. So here is a way to test it. Say you are an investigator and you’re trying to find factual evidence to prove a case in a court of law. Is it provable that Mary Smith spent one hour trying out Zoom videoconferencing. YES. Provable. We can see perhaps from timestamps on trial videos she made, that she spent time there. Is it provable she had a horrible experience doing it. She was alone. Only the cat heard her curse. Unprovable. In other words, the FACTS, which is part one of the AVARA Model shouldn’t have any descriptive words like horrible, wonderful, confusing or irritating. The facts shouldn’t include adjectives that are ambiguous, like, “Kinda.” “Sort of,” or any swear words.
So instead of saying, “I saw a beautiful sunset” You would just put, “Saw sunset.” There’s no descriptors in there. Narrow it down. What are just the facts of this situation?
Then you want to explore all your interpretations, meanings, descriptions, adjectives and thoughts about those facts. The sunset was beautiful. Beautiful is very subjective. We’re not sure if everyone would agree that the sunset was beautiful.
Or, in the Zoom videoconferencing example, you can write that your experience trying Zoom was confusing, glitchy, overwhelming. Now we encourage people never to say. Zoom is confusing, glitchy, overwhelming, because for many people is clear, easy and works smoothly. That’s subjective. It’s YOUR experience that is confusing, glitchy, overwhelming. That distinction is SO important and one that many people still have a hard time with. But the minute you separate facts from your interpretations you’ve entered a whole new timeline of possibility.
Why? Because interpretations drive emotions which drive behaviour which drive life results. One leads to prosperity in many cases and one leads to stuckness.
For example, a woman says that fact is that “My brother is angry all the time.” That is not a fact. Even if 25 other people who know him, agree with you, it’s still not a fact. There are times where he can’t be verifiably angry. He would probably disagree that he’s angry all the time. So, what would you list as a fact? My brother. That’s all.
The 2nd mistake we see a lot of people making is to not link visions and actions to the interpretations. A vision is a possible or probable future if you keep on the limited version of the MindStory timeline. So, if I keep interpreting Zoom and other videoconferencing tools as horrible, hard, glitchy and confusing to use, where will I be a year from now? If I keep that point of view? With one client who wanted to start coaching online, it because clear she would not be able to see clients. She could coach people on the phone but she would miss out on all the advantages of videoconferencing which she was attracted to such as the face to face connection, being able to share her screen and do processes with her clients. And between then and now there are actions and inactions that will take place because of that interpretation, such as procrastination on promoting herself, self judgment. Acknowledging these possible outcomes and actions is a very powerful wakeup call for people.
Let’s look at the other example. The fact is, “My brother.” The interpretation of her brother is, “He’s always angry.” The vision, or probable outcome a year from now as always viewing her brother as always angry is? Bad relationship, feeling resentful, feeling distant. The action might be not keeping in touch, gossiping about him to other family members.
The 3rd mistake we see people make is to judge themselves for having interpretations that lead to results they don’t want. It’s very important, when you start understanding your mind, when you start paying attention to your interpretations, that you allow yourself to know that you are doing what you’re doing for very good reason. There’s a reason why your mind is interpreting things that way. If you can approach it with curiosity and fascination, you will get so much more insight and such a more intimate relationship with yourself versus if you’re constantly beating yourself up for having those interpretations.
One of the main things that I think that the AVARA model can do is improve your relationship with yourself. It’s like there’s this compassionate adult self in many cases interacting with this more immature self within that just needs to be heard and understood before anything will change, and that’s why the A in AVARA is acceptance and why that’s so important. Without that, no change with occur. You’ll just get into a tug of war with limiting beliefs instead of a powerful relationship that leads to transformation.
Let me give you an example. I was working with one of our students in the coach certification. We were reviewing a video of him coaching a colleague who was procrastinating about promoting himself. She was telling him all the problems. Not enough time. Not comfortable on video. Can’t figure out email marketing. She’s saying she’s frustrated, overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and isn’t sure she wants to keep going. And he wants to help her so he’s saying “It’s actually very easy, you seem fine on video, just use swipe copy from a competitor’s promo email, etc. etc.” She’s trying to make her think better thoughts, to stop interpreting things as she is, and to just get into action.
Why does this generally not work? Maybe you’ve been in this position with someone, whether they were a client or employee or not. They’re not going to feel heard. I advised him next time to just allow her to share what she’s thinking and what she’s going through. Make lots of notes, because underneath all that is the gem, the core story that drives all that. That’s what the AVARA model can do. It can provide you with brilliant insights as to what is going on with her, her relationship to herself and how her mind processes the reality around her, what stories are running the show. That, in and of itself, is so much more powerful than just trying to fix it or try to make something interpret things differently. You need the full, deep story for real transformation to occur.
The 4th and final mistake, when you’re doing the AVARA model and the biggest mistake you can make, I think, is not writing it down. Write down your responses in each section of the Model, especially when you’re first learning it. Write down as many as you can if you really want to get good at it. We teach our coach certification students all the time that you don’t have to teach your coaching clients the AVARA model, but you have to be so familiar with it that it’s in the back of your mind at all times so that you can respond spontaneiously, so it’s ingrained. The best way to do that is by doing an AVARA model daily, even if it’s on small issues. It will train your mind to continually bring interpretations to the surface, so you can take back control of how you view the world.
You don’t have to wait until you aren’t feeling good to do the AVARA model. Do a model on a good MindStory. I’m feeling awesome today. What do I do when I’m feeling inspired, I create more content for my podcast. What is the result? More people hear it. More people are inspired and empowered. That makes me more motivated which proves that original interpretation of my life, which is that I’m inspired and I feel it is inspiring. People who are inspired a lot, taught themselves to be that way, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. People who are worried a lot, taught themselves to be that way, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. It’s just the mechanics of it all. It doesn’t just occur through happenstance.
So I hope those were helpful. Just remember we are going through a huge transition in the world right now and those who learn how to master their own mind, take back control of the story they live by, are the ones who will thrive. We are about to enter a renaissance in human history, there are great opportunities like never before to contribute your creativity. Imagine the kind of world you want to live in, imagine the kind of life where you and those you love get to thrive. Never underestimate the power of your imagination to create the reality you see around you…for good or bad. Yes, we co-create with others, we are not omnipotent creators by ourselves, but the more of us imagining what we want even beyond what seems possible now..the better.
So, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, and want to.get a free copy of our book MindStory Inner Coach. Or, if you get the book on Amazon and send us the receipt, you’ll get sent the 2 free neuro-blueprints. You can see how to get the book using the link in the shownotes below. Or, just go to MindStoryAcademy.com and you’ll see it there on the home page. Its free to get the PDF download, or you’ll also see how to buy it on Amazon.
Then when you get the book you also get access to download two free guided audios that are examples of some of the leading edge tools we developed at MindStory Coaching Academy, that are called neuro-blueprints. They are form of mental rehearsal that helps you build strong habits of mind to succeed. All together, the audios and the book come to $94 but you can get them free right now.
So, that’s it for now. Do post a review of this podcast if you liked it. It really helps other listeners find the podcast. Here’s a quick and easy way to do it. Just go to: https://ratethispodcast.com/speaker. You’ll also see that link in the shownotes. And hit subscribe if you want to hear about other episodes coming up, which you can do on our website MindStoryAcademy.com\podcast. https://mindstoryacademy.com/Podcast Until next time, I’m Carla Rieger. Thank you for listening.